Taming the Queen of Beasts

ELRETH

After her mother left, Elreth threw herself into preparations headlong. She didn\'t even go looking for Aaryn, figuring Elia would be visiting him next. She\'d give him a chance to recover, then she\'d find him.

She needed Gar, though, who was noticeably absent. And Tarkyn, who kept rushing past at sporadic intervals, always with three or four guards or lieutenants around him, holding three different conversations at once.

Turning out of the Market since neither of them appeared to be present there, she pushed through a huddle of healers and elders on their way to the Security building, then a fist of guards on patrol—and almost ran into her father, standing on the trail. He\'d obviously seen her coming and stepped out of the way so others would pass. But she\'d been busy finding her way through the people so hadn\'t noticed him until the bodies parted before her, and there he was, staring at her, his eyes pleading.

"We need to talk," he said in that low rumble she remembered from when she was small and they\'d go the market for dinner and he would be waylaid by people who needed his attention and she\'d fall asleep in his arms, her head slumped on his chest. That rumble had been the lullaby of the first four or five years of her life.

She blinked, then turned on her heel to follow the path. "I don\'t have time."

But he caught her elbow. "El—"

"No, Dad, I\'m not doing this with you! You\'ll have to come back. There\'s no time and—"

"El," he said quietly, patiently, and stepped in front of her on the path so she was forced to stop and look at him, or plow into his chest. "Just in case… there\'s some things I need to say."

Panic fluttered in her chest and she wanted to crumple, she wanted to scream, she wanted to plead with him not to do this!

As her chin trembled, his brows pinched together and he ushered her off the trail, deeper into the woods, neither of them speaking until they were well away from the trail where someone else might hear.

When he stopped in a small circle of trees and let go of her, turning to face her, El shook her head and folded her arms across her chest like a shield.

"I don\'t know why you\'re doing this," she said, her voice trembling, but determined. "We can\'t know what\'s going to happen."

"That\'s exactly the point, El," he said in that low growl. "I\'ve done my best to live without regrets and if something happens to me… I don\'t want my last thought to be that I wish I\'d spoken to my beautiful daughter before it was too late."

El bit her lip to stop the tears. "Please, Dad. I don\'t want to do this."

He sighed and leaned down, stroking her hair back off her face. "Elreth, you have been a joy to me since the moment you entered this world, gripped my finger, and stared at me with those big blue eyes just like your Mom\'s. Truth be told, you had my heart before you\'d even left her womb. I vowed my life for yours then, and I meant it. If my going keeps you safe, I will give it gladly."

"Don\'t say that!" she snarled, her arms snapping out to shove his chest. "Don\'t just give yourself up!" Her father rocked back on his heels at the unexpected assault, but she wasn\'t able to push him off his center. Instead, he reached for her and pulled her into his chest.

She fought for a moment, but her heart wasn\'t really in it, and his arms were a prison.

She fought his strength first, then her own weakness… but after a moment he whispered her name and Elreth broke, falling into his chest, silent tears running down her face.

He stroked her hair and hummed his reassurance, talking to her through her tears.

"One day," he said hoarsely, "You\'ll be on this side of the story. And I pray that when you are, your son or daughter has given you half what you gave me, El." He swallowed audibly and she clung to him, her fingers digging into his back. "I pray that you can look back on your life and hear my voice in your ear, telling you how precious you are. Because I\'ll be here, saying this always. Always."

Elreth sobbed. "Please… Dad…" Then she shook her head and wiped her face, breathing deeply, trying to stop herself from crying.

"Don\'t stop, El," he rasped. "Your tears honor me. Your love honors everyone you give it to, El. Never shy away from it. Stop hiding it from the people—love Aaryn with abandon. Be proud of your love for him. You aren\'t weakened by it." He tipped her chin up and made her meet his eyes even through her tears. "The day you have to give yourself up for love you\'ll realize… nothing makes you stronger."

"Please, Dad. Stop. Please… don\'t do this—"

"We have to, El. Just like you have to do your part. This is ours to play. But I want you to promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Promise me that you\'ll… you won\'t forget me. Promise me I won\'t become a memory of something you\'d rather not be."

"Dad! What are you saying?!" she cried and pulled out of his chest. "You\'re the one, Dad! You showed me everything. You showed me how to love—and how to be loved. You showed me how to rule. You showed me how to give without hurting. How to… everything! I can\'t forget you any more than I can forget my own face."

Then she looked up, knowing she sounded angry, knowing she wasn\'t angry, she was terrified. And then she met his eyes and found her father, this mountain of a man, crying. Tears rolling down his cheeks.

And then neither of them could speak. She fell back into his chest and he curled himself around her and over her and they hugged.

And they hugged.

And they hugged.

"I love you, El," he whispered, his voice warm and broken.Â

"I love you, too, Dad."

There was a pause, then he huffed. "What, no punchline?"Â

"No," she choked. "I just love you. I love you. So much."

A guttural groan broke in his throat and he took her face in his hands and met her eyes with his own, wet and red, but fierce with determination.

"You can do this, El. Only you can do this. That\'s why you\'re here—and why I\'m going. You do it. You go win this thing. And when you do, I will be there. Whether you can see me or not, I\'ll be there, and I\'ll be so proud. And so completely unsurprised…"

They stared at each other for a long time, both crying, then El made herself ask. "You\'re saying goodbye?"

"I have to," he breathed, but his breath hitched. "But… you\'re going to go do this. I\'m going to stand here, and you\'re going to go find Aaryn and the two of you are going to do this."

"You\'re making me be the one to walk away?" she asked, incredulous.

And that\'s when her father broke down, sagging, his great shoulder rolled forward and his chin down. "I\'m not strong enough," he said in a strangled voice. "Please, El… please go be your proud self and let me… let me watch you go do it."

Elreth sobbed like a cub, but she took his face in her hands and kissed both his cheeks. Then she squeezed him one more time, her arms not even reaching around his shoulders.

"I love you, Dad. I love you."

Then she tore herself out of his arms and turned on her heel, running back towards the market, sobbing.